Overload!

So much going on, brain is on overload!  Been down lately, not that any of you know because I don't really like to talk about it.  I can hide things real well, which is probably not a good thing.  I have had several little breakdowns, just an overwhelming feeling comes all over me.  I am certainly not blaming my son, but his terror fits trigger my walking near the edge of a cliff.  I don't know how to handle it, I don't know how to fix him.  With my girls, when they cried, I fixed it.  When they threw a fit, I handled it,  with my son, everything is so different......it seems I can never fix it.
okay.....enough of that.  I am calling my doc tomorrow to get ME fixed.  Depression is a bitch, and this bitch can't deal with it anymore.  There has got to be something out there that can help me before I check myself in.....not literally, well.....maybe =)
I just want my old life back.  Before it became so overwhelming with life's problems.  I admit, I can create problems of my own and I do that a lot.....but it has got to end.  The madness in our life has got to come to a stop (quick).
This week I am taking the kids to Moody Gardens, should be lots of fun or it might be a total nightmare. All depends on how Clayton reacts to the environment, it might be way too much for him.  But we are going to at least try.
In one week my bff will be back in town to help me with my surgery next week.  I can't tell you how bad I need to see her and just can't wait until she gets here!
Gotta get for now....................
xoxoxoxo
Rach