My dad has been gone 4 days and 2 hours. Today we planned his service and I was somehow nominated to write the Eulogy. I wish I had the confidence in myself that other people had in me.
My brain is frying as I type. So much going on in there, I don't know where to start.
Let's see....My precious baby boy who is 2 1/2 started saying words around a year old. He was right on track. Then he slowed down, then he stopped. Just stopped talking. Here lately he is talking again, but no where near the level he should be for his age. He doesn't like to interact with other children. He has an obsession with doors. They HAVE to be closed. The same goes with cabinets. If I am changing his diaper and he sees that I have left the door open, he jumps up, closes the door, then comes back to get his diaper changed. We had always joked saying my toddler has OCD...made light of it and thought it was no big deal. He has recently started screaming for no reason. A blood-hurdling kind of scream. He hits. He kicks. He throws fits that are not provoked by anything. He lines things up. Example: His matchbox cars, instead of playing with them he just lines them up in a perfectly straight line and re-lines them over and over again. With his Tonka trucks, he lays on the floor and stares at the wheels. You can forget going to the store with him. Here come the fits. He screams like he is in pain. Just can't be anywhere near crowded, unfamiliar places. When I take him to the playground he wants nothing to do with the other children there. He is perfectly content playing with himself. He doesn't really go on the equipment, but he LOVES to swing. He runs around the playground and then he will swing. Then run some more, then swing some more. I have tried everything to get him to play with the other kids, he could care less. he walks on his tip-toes and flaps his hands or grabs at his ears. This is a tale-tale sign...that was a red flag for me, but I told myself it wasn't...
About a month ago he discovered his poop. So now he plays with it. At first it was gross, but almost funny....it wasn't funny for long. He does this several times a day. He will go in his room, pull it out of his diaper and then finger-paint his windows with it. When I say this boy can poop, THIS BOY CAN POOP!!!! We tried everything. Put onesies back on him, put big boy underwear on under the onesies. Put pajama pants on over the big boy pants, that are under the onesie. He still manages to retrieve his "paint" and he becomes Picasso, poop style. We have put a child-lock on the outside of his door so he can't go in there (he only paints poop in his room) so this has helped a lot...but the first chance he gets when we forget to close the door...he's at it again. I'm not kidding...this kid can poop on demand. Did I mention it IS A FRIGGIN LOT?
Okay...I am getting off topic. My precious baby boy is more than likely autistic. I spoke with two doctors offices today and they asked me a series of questions. Both came to the decision that yes he has SEVERAL of the signs and should be evaluated quickly.
So, naturally...I am scared. Scared for my son because I don't want him to struggle. Scared of the unknown. I will love him regardless, love him with all my heart. But this is "not supposed to happen to my kid". Yeah...I got that syndrome. I shouldn't, but I do. Not my kid, not my little boy. No, please tell me this is just a nightmare.
I know autism research has come a long way and I know it's not the end of the world. I know this. I don't want to hear it again. I. KNOW. THIS! But knowing this is not helping me at the moment.
I blame myself. I blame me me me me. Punish me, not my precious wild-man(that's his nickname)! Please God, don't let this be happening!
So naturally...I have spent so much time vigorously searching all over the Internet to empower myself with anything I can find to help me help him. I want to help my son, anyway and every way I possibly can. He is my little wildman and my miracle.
Here is a great website if you are seeing some signs...don't hesitate to ask your doctor.
http://www.autismweb.com
Looks for an Autism Society in Texas, and a local email list. We have both here, and they are lifesavers! Great information, meet and talk to other parents going through the same thing, and just a bunch of people that know what you're going through.
ReplyDelete"The metamorphosis that I, as a parent of child with special needs, have experienced is something so intellectually and emotionally unifying that to put it in words would be analogous to presenting you with the pinned down wings of a live butterfly.
ReplyDelete"There is no mystery to it, but unless you live the life, the flight is forever missed.
"The transformation from mother to mother of a child with Autism has created a knowing in my life. The knowing that one's own internal life connections and disconnections remain dormant and unrealized until all matter and matters around oneself nuclear react one into a state of instantaneous and continuous awareness of the life and death between one and all."
So you should join us at http://www.our-kids.org/ and the mailing list there, as it is an invaluable resource for support, ideas, support, help, support, etc.
thank you so much for the info, truly appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteFREE I-Pad for Eliglible Non-Verbal/Minimally Verbal Consumers on the
ReplyDeleteAutism Spectrum
Please note that the application deadline is coming up on
December 31, 2010.
Links to the application and further information can be found in the
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Link for application:
http://www.hollyrod.org/#/holiday-2010/4545650338
What are the eligibility requirements?
The individual you are applying for must have a diagnosis on the
autism spectrum (as identified in diagnosis report);
Reside in the United States
Be non-verbal or minimally verbal (as identified in speech pathology
report)