The story of how my dad became my dad

What many people don't know is my dad is actually not my "birth father".  Why? I never mention it.  I had a sperm donor dad...you know the type...one of those who gladly donated my mom the sperm and when I was in the making decided he wanted nothing to do with me. So fuck him. His loss, my gain.  I say gain because if he had not have been such an asshole, I wouldn't have my Dad.  Who by the way was totally amazing.  So actually if that sperm donor should still be out there somewhere I really owe him a huge thank you.
My dad asked me to speak at his service....he asked me months ago.  I mean, when you have a cancer that is basically a death sentence, why not go ahead and plan your own service. He didn't sit down and put it in writing.  He would just mention things to us hear and there.  Dad was a simple man, so today was nothing fancy.  But it was just as it's called..a CELEBRATION!  My mom and I came up with the idea of spreading his many hats around the church.  Dad had quite the collection.  He left his collection everywhere he would go.  Not on purpose, but just forgetting it.  It was funny because when my parents would leave my house they would usually come back within minutes because Dad forgot his hat...So having his hats all over the church was a way to make it feel like he was with us.  And he also would have got a huge laugh out of the idea....

Anyway...back to what I was saying...when Dad asked me to speak at his service he said "Rach, I want you to make everyone smile.  You have a beautiful smile and if anyone can spread a smile around, it is you.  I laughed and said something like oh dad...you just say that because I'm your daughter...he said nope and asked me again if I would mind.  I said I would be honored.
So this is what I said:

Over two decades ago when I was in my “terrible twos…. I mean my terrible teens”, my mom came to pick me up from a Valentines party.  She was bringing her boyfriend and this would be the first time I met him.  Part of me was excited, the other part just not so sure.  While at the party a couple of my friends came to me and said Rachel, your mom and grandpa are here to pick you up.  I thought my mom and grandpa?  That’s odd….I thought my gramps was working and I was supposed to meet moms boyfriend.  So I go out to the car and there was mom and (put your teen goggles on here and work with me to recall my vision back then) her OLD BALD HEADED CHUBBY boyfriend!!!! I thought noooooooooooooo!!!!! This can’t be happening!!! This isn’t the Sylvester Stallone type I had envisioned for my mom!

So up went the wall.  No matter how hard dad tried, I kept it up real high.  It took many years to slowly bring that wall down and Dad waited patiently. We had our ups and downs in the beginning, few ups and lots of downs…. lol

Years passed and that entire wall eventually came down.  I will forever remember Dads prayers at the dinner table.  He thanked God for our many blessings, for our family, and then that is where he usually lost me.  My brother Josh and I would squeeze each other’s hands and hold our laughter in.  It was tradition. Dad would pray and use words and sentences we couldn’t make sense of (his intellect was off the charts) so we just giggled.  Then mom would ALWAYS tell us “you both should be ashamed, Dads prayers are sincere”.  And that they were, we were just too immature to get them and well, I think we just laughed because we always had.  Dad knew we were being silly, sometimes we would see him look up and give us a grin.  He knew us.  He knew we meant know harm or disrespect.  Ya see, he was awesome like that.  Never judging anyone, his mind was always working, and he had a WONDERFUL sense of humor. 

As a child, Dad might not have been the vision of the father I had imagined, but as I grew into adult hood my vision changed.  He was the match made in Heaven for my mom.  If there ever was a “perfect couple” they were it.  Mom has a short temper…Dads was a long as the Mississippi.  Mom has zero patience; Dad had enough for the both of them.  In fact, before Dad left us, I asked him to please leave some of the patience and sanity back here with Mom.  He grinned and gently nodded.

Before I go, I want to share something with all of you.  When Dad was first diagnosed, I nearly lost all faith in God.  Our family has had its share of tragedies and I just didn’t understand why, why, WHY our family continued to be tested.  On one of our trips for his radiation therapy we had a discussion and I told him something like “I give up…what is the use of praying?  What is the use of believing?  God doesn’t seem to let us have any slack…Then Dad helped me understand.  He said this: Rachel, you have the wrong idea about faith.  Faith is not believing what you want to believe will happen.  Faith is believing that what happens is exactly what the LORD has planned.  It is not always what we want to happen, but having Faith is trusting in GOD that he has made this plan for a reason. As simple as that might have sounded, it was all I needed to hear.  Although I don’t understand why Dad had to leave us so soon, I do understand that it’s not for ME to understand.


Thank you Daddy!